I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
