He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
