i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
