his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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