Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
