If i come over, it means nothing
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
