I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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