R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
