Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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