I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's never too late to be topless.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
