Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
are you so shy because you have an std?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
