I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You made out with two different species that night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
