The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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