Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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