He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
