Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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