READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
