I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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