he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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