I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
