How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
