feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
