I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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