the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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