I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
