i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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