i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
