I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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