Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
