idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
