you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
