You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
