it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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