physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
