I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
