i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
