dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
