It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
