More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
