At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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