i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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