Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
