i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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