I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
