I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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