singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Randomize
