rhymes with "ouble enetration"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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