i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
