There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
