I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
