I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
