This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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